December 2011
1 post
3 tags
Problem: The only way to get your password back is to go through a bunch of old junk mail for porn sites, like the movie National Treasure but with internet porno.
Solution 1: clean out your junk mail
Solution 2: remember your damn password
Commonly Picked Solution: Torrent Stream Subscribe to porn sites
July 2011
3 posts
3 tags
Look at porn 10 years ago. Look at porn currently. Imagine porn 10 years later…. shit that’s nasty!
3 tags
Sperm count down does not mean sperm size up.
4 tags
A porno idea for Inception: The girl watches a porn of herself, imagining that she’s having sex with a guy when she is masturbating in a shower.
Cue in deep long brown notes… BBBBBBBBUUUUUUMMMMMMM BBBBBBUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMM!
Title could be called Insertion…
June 2011
2 posts
3 tags
Don’t be confused with the nickname “Mudd”. It sounds like both a rock band’s drummer and a trucker that eats 2 breakfast meals.
3 tags
I know what I like Facebook and you are killing me when you think that after I like Manga, you suggest if I like Will Smith.
Shit yeah I do. The man did Wild Wild West.
May 2011
8 posts
3 tags
If someone describes a movie that you don’t know, the answer is always James and the Giant Peach.
Second guess is Snow Dogs
3 tags
Thanks Kobe! Not only do we have to watch those damn gay commercials, we also can’t refer Glee fans as “Glaggots”.
3 tags
You should get those stripper cakes as a present in a baby shower.
3 tags
Look in unexpected places. Where else would someone find milk?
3 tags
How do you measure your cock?
I’m at 8 onion rings.
The number varies if thawed.
3 tags
You got a montage of action movies like: Machete, The American, Clash of the Titans, Predators…
and what is the song you pick for this, Katy Perry’s Fireworks.
3 tags
3 tags
If you are bored, try making a bar graph of your favorite pies and/or pie graph of your favorite bars.
April 2011
12 posts
2 tags
New game (drinking, betting, etc.) GUESSATION. You guess the gestation of different animals.
Humans: 9 months
Elephants: 22 months
3 tags
If I get a girlfriend, I’m gonna ask her nearly every morning when the alarm goes off, “Bacon or dick?” Either way, it’s win-win for both people.
3 tags
A lot of casual gamers like to dress formal.
4 tags
Microwave minutes are a lot longer than real time minutes.
3 tags
Next time for your Easter basket gifts, give out some P & P: Porn and Peeps
3 tags
Perfect random Easter Sunday music:
Rage Against the Machine - Bulls on Parade
3 tags
If there is one thing I got from church today, it’s that I parallel parked like a boss.
3 tags
You are not drunk until you bump yourself in a mirror, give a hi-five, compliment, “Hey, Guy! That’s a cool shirt!” and walk away afraid that the drunk might jump you.
Mouthwash before jogging: not a must but always a plus.
3 tags
Near back of a magazine I read:
800-871-LUST for a good time.
900-PATHETIC Ladies are standing by.
I would call the latter. You know that they’ll have girls.
3 tags
Reading 75 sex moves with nearly all of them being crossed off.
Checklist or things not to do?
2 tags
Someone should rename their iPod or iPhone “Titanic”.
Whenever you connect it to your computer, it should say, “Titanic is syncing.”
March 2011
10 posts
1 tag
If you die, you should have one of your friends know your facebook password. That way you could haunt people digitally. Randomly post clips of abnormal criminal arrests with the tag: “All me baby!” Or post clips of Ghost Hunters saying: “Yeah, it’s fake.”
3 tags
The two most memorable screen names in a chat room for singles:
Menstrual Salsa Lesbian Tornado
2 tags
Don’t pick up a baby while he/she is eating and say, “Who’s a hungry bastard? Who’s a hungry bastard?” in baby talk.
3 tags
You could make better character development and storyline in pornos if you have a college degree. The problem is always the soundtrack.
3 tags
CPR does not go anywhere near the thighs.
3 tags
If you are getting waked up by someone giving you a bj, don’t confuse their head for a snooze button.
Not sure if you could say “9 more minutes” though.
3 tags
New version of optimism than the “Glass is half full”… How do you feel about shotgunning a beer while taking a bath?
It doesn’t matter how many religious stuff you have on your car, if you suck at driving, God won’t help.
3 tags
When you are in a party where there are more tattoos than people, don’t be a douche by wearing an ed hardy shirt.
It does not even matter if there is a party or not. People that wear ed hardy shirts are douches.
3 tags
For giraffes, it’s always deep throat.
February 2011
18 posts
4 tags
Fruit is good for you. Especially if it is in candy form.
5 tags
1 out of 5 relationships starts on Match.com. 4 out of 5 relationships starts by not being a pussy.
4 tags
It’s awkward to wear the same thing as your sister or your mother to a party. It’s even more awkward when both of them are wearing the same thing as you to a party. It’s worse when you are a guy.
3 tags
When someone asks you to “teach me how to dougie”, it is alright to say no and walk away.
3 tags
Never use “Well, I know Justin Bieber and I told him about you and he said that you suck!” when you are over 10 and not a girl.
3 tags
You shouldn’t be angry when you change your relationship status on facebook to single and your ex likes it.
My Xanga →
Thought it was dead… it should be
3 tags
When you eat Late Night Cheeseburger Doritos in the morning, does it qualify as dinner or leftover breakfast?
4 tags
If an interviewer asks you if you have the patience and the work ethic to do the job, catching all of the pokemon is not credential to these qualities.
2 tags
Tell people that you done 2 tours in Iraq as a sniper, no one really cares. Tell people that you got a head shot in CoD: Black Ops, you’re one badass.
4 tags
The only way to get your point across completely is to slam something. A door, a book, a baby, whatever you are holding.
3 tags
“IRL” is not a football league. Also, “LOL” doesn’t mean Lots Of Love.
3 tags
“Yo mamma” jokes are funnier at orphaned kids.
3 tags
Obese people do not have an advantage in Hungry Hungry Hippos.
